Appaloosa - Man, I was so excited for this movie. I love westerns, after spending 25 or so years hating them based solely on hating all the douchebag arizonans who walk around in boots and hat like they've ever seen a god damn cow. But turns out they are pretty rockin', and here we've got Ed Harris, Vigo Mortenson, AND Jeremy Irons? Unfortunately, and this is the crux of its failure, we've also got Renee Zelwiger. I just looked it up, short of Chicago, Renee Zellwiger has never been in a movie I liked. She's horrible and someone should fire her from hollywood. That being said, it wasn't all her fault, the whole script was built around her retarded character and its retarded influence on retarded ed harris. What the hell?! You pussified ed harris! Did you see Pollack? a history of violence?? you ruined him! The whole movie after she shows up and ruins him is questionable, with good moments, but this tinge of crapiness, it was so sad to see. The movie also seems to cover too much ground, time-wise, that it felt rushed and awkward when you jump a bunch of time. So sad, mortenson and irons were so badass, why couldn't the movie be too?
The Incredible Hulk (2008) - New hulk movie. better than the last, for sure. I notice they made hulk a lot taller so he didn't look like an overgrown midgit again. The end battle was actually pretty dang good, and the end of the battle did a very good job of doing the hulk ethos, we call him when we need him, we chase him when we don't, it was nice, and without stupid dialogue! I dunno, though, I guess hulk is just never gonna do it for me. I hated the first movie, this one was okay but I'm left a little meh. World War Hulk, the marvel event last last summer was so boring and annoying for me. I guess I just think hulk isn't all that interesting, I dunno! Now i hear he might be the villain for the avengers movie and I'm afraid, its it going to be world war hulk all over?
Slacker Uprising - This is michael moore's new movie, and man it tugs you a lot of ways. First up, a bit of business - moore released this under the dr. horrible method of making money: put it out for free, people will pay later if they like it. This no doubt has something to do with the massive piracy of sicko last time around. Nonetheless, the dr. horrible method is great for established creators, so yay. Back to the movie. It's basically about this speaking tour he and some musicians did before the 2004 election trying to get people to vote. Called "slacker uprising" it went primarily to college campuses to get kids out and their friends out. The first thing that strikes me about this movie is "wow, wouldnt' this be fucking amazing if it had worked." Buuuuut, it didn't, which is a weird contradiction. Balls to moore, I guess, for releasing what on the surface could be an embarassingly failed effort. On the other hand, that's the point, and its meant to get us riled up for this year. Interesting fact that somehow had been blocked out of my memory: kerry was up by 7 points (according to some random poll, anyway) before the swift boat thing Obama is up by around 7 points as I write this (not necessarily when it posts), soo..... don't feel too comfortable. Another thing going on in my head, a big complaint w/ moore's movies (besides their creative/selective use of facts) is that they are becoming almost more about moore than his subject matter. he is a national personality, one that most people have a strong opinion about, and his movies were so heavily laden with his voice that its impossible to separate the subject from the speaker. This movie, either in contrast or in completion, is really about moore. Yeah, its about this speaking tour, but its about him. The surprising thing is that it doesn't make me hate him! I'm not a big fan of moore, generally. I've always said I agree with what he says, but not with how he says it. He has this way of corrupting my own views by giving people an excuse to hate those views via him, and its always bothered me. But amazingly, this time, or at least 75% of this time, he's saying things in a pretty reasonable way, without too much exaggeration or excess. It's still very rethorical and maniuplative (all speeches are), but it a way I could actually totally deal with. I'm going on and on here obviously because its not about a movie, its about all the things the movie is about, so I'll shut up now.
You Don't Mess With the Zohan - Dumb. Dumb! Silly goose movie. There are a handful of parts that are legitimately laugh worthy funny. A couple of the cameos are good, Geroge Takei and Mariah Carrey (who is funny because she is willing to make fun of herself) in particular. Overall its pretty dumb. The accents were horrible. It's not stupid enough to be bad, its not like it pained me to watch it, not most of it anyway. But I'd also not make any effort to see it on purpose, it's defintely a midnight cable I'm bored kind of movie.
Love Guru - Bad movie. It's like pure distilled mike myers silliness, but that's not good, it has no support. It's just the bad jokes and puns, with no context to make them funny. It fails on almost every count, and mike myers' character is just annoying, not cute. There are a couple laughs, but nothing great, stephen colbert is the best part of the movie. Believe it or not, this was worse than Zohan, even more dick and fart jokes, jesus.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - Wow, this movie was pretty good! After the last two comedies, it seems like freakin genius. That's not fair, of course, but the movie was legitimately funny, I laughed throughout. It's not a classic or anything, I don't need to buy the DVD, I won't think of it in the same thought as Anchorman or 40 year old virgin or ricky bobby. But it was absolutely worth my time. The plot was predictable, but that's ok, it's not exactly why you see this movie. Everyone does a good job, including the british guy who I hate in real life so I had no problem hating his character. There's not a lot to say about the details of the movie, it is kind of straightforward, but it really comes together with some really honest humor and fun characters, thumbs up. Oh, and as a side note, the main character exhibited some weirdly specific me-like characteristics or habits that I found very disconcerting. Seriously, like 5 or 6 times I looked over and said "that's me!" It was kinda weird, though totally not the point.
Death Race - You aren't going to beleive this, but this was fucking great! No, seriously! And it's not man-love for Jason Statham either! I know it looks awful, and its true it is at times overflowing with cheese, the dude from deadwood actually talks snarky into the camera at one point. But the rest of the movie is very fun. The races are very cool, the couple of melee fights are actually pretty good, if brief, and kinda brutal. The acting and writing is nothing to be ashamed of. It's obviously not genius, but it is not lacking in any way for this kind of movie. I was totally surprised, it was completely enjoyable.
The Strangers - So, I'm pretty sure I don't like this movie. It's very tense, its aiming to creep you out and make you feel unsafe in your own house, and I suppose it does that. But I'm really annoyed with the whole premise. Granted, its based on something true, so I guess I can't say its ridiculous, but it just feels so sensational. oh em gee, people are going to break into your house and torture you and fuck you up, eek! No, they aren't, actually. This doesn't happen, and if it happened once, well, someone got hit in the head by bird shit falling at terminal velocity once, no one made a movie about it. I go back and forth because there's this nagging fear that I was afeared and that makes me all tough and want to say the movie was stupid. But, no, I think it really was stupid, or at least manipulative. Nothing else about the movie is really horrible, scary people act stoic (easy w/ a mask) and scared people act scared. The camera is a little holy crap shakey, but that's fine. No, it's just the premise, I'm annoyed, its almost as bad as watching Saw. Oh look, I just googled, the true story this is "based" on, besides helter skelter kinda, is the director's childhood memory of someone who knocked on random doors finding empties and robbed them. which has NOTHING THE FUCK to do with this movie. It is in fact, the opposite of the premise of this movie. So it's official, this movie sucks balls, I win.
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